Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
