I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
