pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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