My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
