i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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