____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
