I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
