i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
