my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
