wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
