My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
