and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
