I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
