You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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