ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
