I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
