He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
