I swear she didn't look like that last week.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
