Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
