in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
