i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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