The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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