Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
