FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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