Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
