I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
