Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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