I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
4 words: hood of his car
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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