she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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