Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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