apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
