I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
