just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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