if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
