alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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