guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
