Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
