I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
