i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
