The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
