remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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