you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
