Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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