Got a toothbrush?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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