Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
