So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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