So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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