Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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