i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
