You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
