i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
