I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
