Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
