I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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