even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
