Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
