He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
