Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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