I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
