i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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