Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
