Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
