What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
