i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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