I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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