I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sext me about skeletons
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
