so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
