I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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