Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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