I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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