So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
