i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
