The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize