I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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