return my video game
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
