we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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