somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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