I feel great
I just peed on a car
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
