I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
