How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
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SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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